With a heart full and happy and tired and thankful, it's time to say goodbye.

Days 31 & 32 (June 10 & 11, 2015)

I've really been slacking the last couple days... When it comes to blogging. And kinda also slacking when it comes to nursing stuff too. Not that I'm not doing a good job, I've just been kinda cutting my day shorts. 

As an introvert the past 5 weeks have been so challenging. I have to re-introduce myself, make new friends, be really outgoing. No one ever knows that I'm coming to the ward, and there isn't even a guarantee that I'll work with the same people two days in a row because of their work schedules. So every day I'm forced to be an extrovert. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. 

I've decided that tomorrow will be a day off... I just don't have the energy to do it again, and so will spend the day finishing up making/writing thank you cards for all the wards I've worked on. That and packing are going to fill up the day. 

Yesterday was my last day on the Private Ward. It was really to work there and I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to work there and the wonderful people who welcomed me onto the ward. 

I listened in on some diabetes education for a patient who was about to be discharged. AND prior to the education I watched the debridement of 2 nasty wounds on the bottom of her feet. It was crazy to watch. If it had been done to me I would have either needed a ton of freezing, or someone would have had to sit on me because I would have been writhing and screaming in pain. The ulcer/wound on the bottom of her left big toe was at least the size of a quarter. It had formed a crater a couple millimetres deep, and was all black necrotic tissue. As the diabetic nurse carved away at it the severity of it actually got less and less! By the time she was finished there was only a small spot... Smaller than a dime of "health" red tissue. And all that was done without any anesthetic. She sat there in bed as cool as a cucumber the whole time. Nuts! 

I left early from the...

Saturday June 13... I have no idea what day it is anymore. I've been so busy and tired... And I'm still catching up from Wednesday. I'm not too sure how to even catch up anymore. I can't remember what happened on which day. It's all just kinda blurring together. 

So I'll just tell you what I can about the last few days. 

They have been wonderful and challenging at the same time. God has totally wrecked my heart in a good way... Given me sweet times with wonderful new friends and... And shown me ways to sow into the lives of others. 

I've had to say goodbye to so many people over the last few days and that has been tough. So many of them I only really got to know over a couple days and then I'd be changing departments or they would have their days off. That is hard for me. I love to be able to invest deeply in relationships and spend quality time with the people I meet... And this trip didn't give me as much opportunity for that as I would have liked. There are a few key people/families that I have been able to do that with... But just a few. 

The MOST impactful one is one that I feel I can't really tell the whole story right now... Typing on an iPhone is just a little tough for that. It takes so long and is so small, and I want to be able to share pictures with the story... So you'll have to wait till I get home for all the details. I will share a little bit of it though. 

I met Ruth in my first week of staying at Moffat, but not as well as I would have liked to. That only happened this week. On Thursday she shared her story with me, and it broke my heart. We sat there together in tears, holding hands. I am still a little overwhelmed by the whole thing right now so I don't even know how to communicate to you how my heart was touched. I plan on sponsoring this family, a single mother of 5 who works so hard, graciously, and passionately to serve and love God and others. 

As a student I may need some help in doing that... So I'll explain to you my plan when I get home and have had time to process it all. 

This morning I was able to visit her home, meet her children and talk with one of the missionary couples about how to make this happen. I know I haven't shared much, and you probably have some questions... I'm sorry, you'll just have to wait a week! Haha. Patience. 

Anyways... Today is my last full day in Kijabe. I will leaving tomorrow afternoon and will be spending a few days in Nairobi with the Crisp family before flying out on Wednesday night. Then I'll be home Thursday. 

I'm not sure what my internet situation will be like over the next few days, so don't be worried if you don't hear from me. 

I'm so sad to leave here, this place, the experiences, the people... But am so looking forward to seeing all of you again. I've missed your beautiful faces. Tonight I am making supper for my few Love Africa friends who didn't go on Safari this weekend... So I should probably head out soon. 

Sorry that the past few days aren't well documented. But hey, I've blogged every other day! I feel like that I pretty good. Haha. See you soon! God bless. 

In life and death...

Days 26, 27, 28 & 29 (June 5-8, 2015)

I'm not sure how to sum up the past couple days. They've been pretty busy or just full. And by not writing every day it's challenging to remember all the details. 

Friday was a good, semi-relaxing day.   After my FULL day in the theatre on Thursday I planned nothing for Friday morning. All I HAD to do was stop by the Halestrap's place to pick up a set of keys before the left town. 

I had the privilege and blessing of being in a home over the weekend. What a wonderful gift. A hot shower (in a bathroom used ONLY by me), a kitchen to myself, couches, a fireplace, a large movie library, a washing machine.... And Solly - a beautiful "teenager" German shepherd. Oh, and a real mattress! 

I got the keys, and then got all the phone replacement stuff sorted out with the hospital. I'm gonna say that if you're going to lose a phone, Kenya is the place to do it. It cost 1000 ksh (Kenyan shillings, approx $13) for a new phone, 100 ksh for a SIM card, and then another 100 ksh for a few minutes. So well under $20 to replace it. Thank you Jesus that I wasn't lent and iPhone! 😉

Then I went back to the guesthouse to pick up all the donations (or as many could fit in my backpack) that had been given to me by Deven (one of the girls in my class) and her daughter. With a full backpack I went and delivered clothes to the kids in paediatrics. They were thrilled, and loved seeing the pictures after I took them. 

I moved into the Halestrap's did laundry, made supper, FaceTime with my family... Had a wonderful evening. One of my favourites was when mom called and Caleb could hear my voice... And I could hear him yelling from upstairs "I hear auntie JJ!!!!" And 'demanded' that mom bring the iPad upstairs so we could chat. What a lol monkey. Miss him so much. So hard to explain to a three year old why you're in Africa though. 

Didn't get much sleep Friday night and was up SUPER early and at the hospital to join the staff from Wairegi for their staff retreat day. I was told to be at the hospital at 4am because that's when the bus was leaving. In true Kenyan fashion we left the hospital a lil after 4:30. 

After an 8 hour bus ride with only one bathroom break 5 hours in we arrived at Mount Kenya National Park. We didn't get too far on the "hike" and didn't get to see the mountain because it was all clouded over. But, had some good conversations with some of the nurses... And everyone had a pretty good time. 

It was a CRAZY long day though, I finally got back to the Halestrap's around 1:30am. Poor Solly had a lonely day. He was pretty excited to see me! Haha. Once home I NEEDED a shower and something to eat. Unfortunately those two things woke me up... So I was woke awake for another 2 hours, and then only slept for about 3 hours. 

All of Sunday was a chill day of laundry, reading, eating, a little walk, and watching movies. Absolutely wonderful. Not really much to share about. Just nice and restful. I have clean clothes put aside for my flight home... I can't believe I only have just over a week left here. 

This morning it was actually really difficult to motivate myself to get to the hospital. Knowing that this is my last week, and that I'll just be turning around and saying goodbye to the friends I make this week makes it a lot more challenging. 

This week I'm on the private wars, which feels like a North American hospital in comparison to some of the other places I've been. So much cleaner, quiet, not smelly, 1-2 people per room (instead of 10) and a much lower nurse-patient ratio. Nothing really exciting happened today. No crazy stories to tell.

Managed to fit in a 10km run this evening which was wonderful. After being sick a few weeks ago... It's been raining like crazy and I haven't been able to get out for a run. It's just too slippery here when it's wet/raining... Not like at home where the rain doesn't bother me at all. 

Now it's already 10 and I've really gotta get some sleep. Haha. Have to catch up after a crazy relaxing yet sleepless weekend. 

Day 30 (Tuesday June 9, 2015)

I'm actually writing this while "at work" today. It's been slow. Because the nursing duties here are a littler different than at home, there is a lot of down time in the middle of the day. So I'm standing at the nursing station on my phone! 

The family of a woman who passed away early this morning just came in to visit her, and they don't know that she actually isn't here. I'm not sure what to do... But I can say that I'm glad that it isn't y responsibility to inform them. 

However it was my responsibility this morning to prepare/pack her body before she was taken to the morgue. Well, actually it wasn't my job... I was told to do bed baths so that I wouldn't be scared. But I asked if I could do it. So Simon and I worked together to get her ready. Removed the NG tube, IV and foley. After filling her mouth, nostrils, ears, and genitals with cotton we had to label her body, wrap her with a purple sheet, and then labeled the outside. 

It's tough. Death is one of those things that I am oddly comfortable with... Which I realize makes others quite confused - and maybe slightly horrified by how comfortably I am able to manage it. When I talked to some of the Love Africa team this afternoon about what I'd done... They looked shocked and maybe even slightly disgusted. 

The thing is that death isn't something that I fear anymore. Not at all. I understand that not everyone feels that way, and that the thought of a dead body, or doing what I did today is horrifying and disgusting to them. And it actually surprises me that I don't feel that way too. In the past that's definitely how I felt. I don't think that I've become calloused or uncaring... I honestly think that God has just given me peace and understanding about it. I'm really not sure how to explain it, but I'm thankful for it... Is that ok? 

After my 10km yesterday (after not having run for 2 weeks) today's run was a lot less than what I hoped it would be. 5km and I'm feeling done. Oh well, there's always tomorrow! Every day can't be a marathon day. Haha. 

Only 3 more days left in Kijabe hospital. I can't believe it. In some ways it feels like just yesterday that I landed. As much as I'm looking forward to coming home, I'm sad to be leaving the wonderful people I've met here. 

I'm sitting in the courtyard at RVA writing this and it's starting to get chilly, and I'm getting hungry. So I'm gonna sign out pretty quick here. 

I'm encouraged that through my life God is able to touch the lives of others. I don't ever want to undermine the significance of that. I pray that in life and death, through all circumstances I may bring glory to his name and encouragement to others. 

In up to my elbows

Day 24 (Wednesday June 3, 2015)

Even though I still have two whole weeks here, I'm feeling like it's not enough time these last two weeks are going to FLY by. I'm spending the day in "the theatre" (the OR) watching a crazy all day surgery, and then Friday is going to be my "tourist" day in the hospital. I'm going to hand out the clothes and goodies I was given to give to the kid here. It's going to be so much fun. 

But those are my plans for the rest of the week... What did I do today? 

Today I was working with Grace in the annex at Bethany Kids. The annex is where all the neuro patients stay... So lots of hydrocephalus kids. It was really interesting to see how all the mothers interacted with one another, the community they'd built together as they travel the same journey with their babies. 

It was a wonderful day. Grace is so good at sticking to the nursing principles I am familiar with. Doing her medmath, one of the med packages had been cut in a way that had taken off all identifiers, and she made sure it was the right med before giving it, dressing changes were done extremely well. I loved working with her. I think I've liked everyone I've worked with here. 

In the afternoon we were waiting for the time to give afternoon meds and a video team came in who are doing a film project about the hospital... and asked to interview me. Well - for those of you who know me... that is WAY out of my comfort zone. But I did it. 

I think Embrace the Race prepared me for this trip in so many ways. The confidence I've gained, the courage I have to do things on my own, bring "ok" with being videoed and able to share my story. A couple years ago, or even a year ago I probably would have flat out refused to do it. But God is stretching and growing me... Like I said yesterday, it's part of being confident in who God has made me to be, and being content with where I've been planted (or transplanted for a season). 

One of my favourite parts of the day was when this little girl was walking down the hall with her dad, and would turn around every few steps and look at me. I'd smile and wave, she'd scream and giggle with delight... take a few more steps and do it all over again. All the way down the hall. What joy that brought me. I can't wait to deliver goodies to all these lil cuties on Friday!!

I got to the store too late to buy a SIM card for my new phone, so it looks like I'll be out of touch for a few more days here. Oh well - it's not the worst thing in the world, just a little inconvenient. 

Last night (hours after I'd posted the blog) I was at the Halestrap's for supper. What a blessing they are. I'm so thankful for their friendship and generosity. Libby and I had a good long talk about how my time here has been, and if I'd come back. 

I can't say yes or no... But I can say I am open to what God has in store for me. I love home... so it's tough to picture myself doing long term missions work, but I'm pretty sure I have said that I would never be a nurse, that I'd never run a marathon, and probably a whole bunch of other things... So I totally believe that God changes the desires of our hearts, and the important thing is to be available and open to where and to what he calls you to do. 

As for specifically coming back to Kijabe, I'm not sure how that would work - opportunities for missionary nurses here are slim to none. BUT, education/teaching opportunities, that is definitely somewhere I could see myself helping out. OR if I do my nurse practitioner, that would open up a lot of doors. So, there are some possibilities. I think seeds have been planted. They just might be in hibernation for a little bit. 

Over all a great day. And I'm SO looking forward to tomorrow. I should make sure I get a good sleep tonight, and I'm already looking forward to the breakfast I plan on making tomorrow! I'm just going to finish my tea, make sure I have all my scrubs and whatnot ready for tomorrow... And then crawl into bed. Megs I'm SO thankful for my buff, it'll be my scrub cap for the OR tomorrow - they don't have disposables or any extras, but I need to have my head covered. It'll be perfect!!

Day 25 (Thursday June 4, 2015)  

The best day yet in the hospital. Grampa would have been SO proud of me. I was up to my elbows in the OR helping with a surgery. There may have been a moment when I teared up thinking how Grampa would have loved to see me here... Carrying on his legacy in a way. Part of my likes to think that he sees and is bursting with pride. The whole time I was thinking "why am I not a surgeon?! This is the coolest thing ever!!" Honestly... I just want to be able to do everything. 

I don't even know if I can explain the surgery with just words, it's so much cooler with hand gestures and my eyes a brighter, smiling blue than you may have ever seen. Even though I was in the or from 8:30-7:40... I don't feel tired. (I know I am, but I'm just pumped up on adrenaline)

Ok. I'll back track and take you through my day. Even though I didn't need to be at the hospital until an hour later than usual, I got up at the same time. Dr Davis said it would be a long surgery, so I knew I needed a good solid breaky. And  it was HUGE. I wasn't feeling very hungry this morning but I'm SO thankful that I made and ate so much. Hashbrowns, 3 eggs, a banana and two pieces of toast. Oh, and a cup of that surprisingly delicious instant coffee. The second and last bag of it... Totally the right choice for today. 

After breaky I got dressed in tights and tank, and packed my scrubs and OR shoes (a pair of my runners that I spent and hour cleaning last night) in my bag to change into at the hospital. 

Since I still don't have my Kijabe phone situation sorted out I wasn't able to communicate with Dr Davis about when and where I was supposed to be exactly. So I just figured it out on my own. I'm getting good at that... walking confidently into an unknown area, telling them who I am and how they can help me. Haha. Such a foreign behaviour for me. But Man! Does it ever work! Haha. 

I've "delivered" patients to the OR enough in the past few weeks that I have seen nurses go in and out of the change room. You don't even bring your outside shoes into the change room. There is a shelf outside the door to put your dirty shoes on. Good, the first step wasn't so unknown, but that's as much as I knew. But a change room is a change room, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what to do there... But this is where I made my first mistake. 

The OR at home is generally cold, like really cold. An since I'd been so cold working on the wards the past couple of weeks I figured it wasn't a bad idea to just through my scrubs on over my tights. In fact, I'd don't that the other day when working in paeds and it was great! (That would come back to bite me in the butt later) 

When I was ready, with my scrubs on, OR shoes laced up, and scrub cap/buff successfully hiding all my hair... I looked for someone to help my with the next step, finding the right OR room. Found someone, told them what surgery I was there to watch (and who was doing it) and asked for her to show me where to go. Not a problem... She brought me to the right OR and introduced me to the other nurses working on the case. 

I started by looking at the scans with David (Dr Nolan, Noland? Not totally sure on that one... He's that David of the Brittney and David I met on Sunday) and the scans are CRAZY!! I'd post them for you to see, but I have to edit them so that you can't see the patients name, and loading pics in a blog post on my phone is a bit of a nightmare - if you want the whole story with pictures, hand gestures and shining eyes... Just ask, I'd be more than happy to share it! 

Then I helped the nurses get all the mop threads untangled from the wheels on the instrument tables. Then I stood back and let them do their thing. I know nothing about setting up instruments and all that. I fully expected to just be observing the surgery, so was looking around for the best place to stand where I'd have a good view. 

I have so many favourite parts about today, and what happened next was one of them. Just before the anesthetist put the patient under, everyone in the room (the nurses, Drs, interns, anesthetists) stopped what they were doing, stood to face/ gathered around the patient, closed their eyes and prayed for her. For her, for the surgeons and nurses, for her recovery, for a successful procedure, for her recovery... Amazing. What an honour and privilege to be able to do that. I just love it. 

After she was under Anne, one of the nurses on the case told me I'd be putting in her foley. Alright. I've done this a couple times before. But all their stuff is different! Haha. But I did it beautifully! Best one yet. Then Anne turned to me and told me to go scrub in. Hmmm, never done that before. But she told me James (the other nurse on the case) would show me how. So I followed him outside, and mimicked everything he did... I felt like a five year old! Haha. I carefully entered the OR again, and copied him as he dried his hands with a sterile towel and put on a sterile gown. THIS was the moment when I realized I'd made a big mistake with the double pants situation I had going on. I hadn't realized before how warm (actually hot) the OR was. But now, with my head covered, a thick/heavy sterile gown on, a mask on, and doubling up on the sterile gloves I realized I would quickly overheat. But didn't do anything about it. 

I was scrubbed in, awesome... This meant I could stand as close to the table as I wanted to and get a good view. Oh no, that wasn't my job... I was also going to be passing things to the surgeons as the worked. I was positioned at the head of the bed between the instrument table and Chege (another surgeon working on the case). 

The surgery was actually kinda two in one, a facial/neck dissection with the removal of half the mandible due to cancer that had eroded the bone. And the other part was separating the pectoralis major from between the chest wall and the beast tissue... And then flipping it up/tunnelling it up the neck and around the new metal jaw the woman was getting. Insane. Absolutely insane. 

For the first but I was pretty much just watching David and Chege work on the face/jaw stuff. And helping with handing them stuff. "Scalpel" (I was the one handing it) I don't know what most of the instruments are called so I was kinda useless, but they were so patient with me as I fumbled my way through (and telling them that they needed to describe it to me - haha). David and Chege didn't believe that his was my first time IN the OR, but I've learned that I'm a fast learner... and I'm observant. I've learned things from the couple times I've gotten to watch procedures in the OR. Then when Dr Davis came in there as a comment something like "JJ, you're mine now" and I shuffled around to the side of the table and then the real work began. I help back and up breast tissue for hours as we worked to free the pectoralis major. I got my arm workout for the week for sure! 

There were parts of the morning when incisions were being made where I stood there thinking "don't hold your breath, don't hold your breath. Wiggle your toes. Listen to Jane, she's in your pocket cheering you on!" I did alright until I was fight to hold back the breast tissue. It was heavy (she must have been like a J-cup), the room was so hot, and when you're not used to wearing a mask it can kinda feel like you're suffocating. 

I know better than to try to fight through it. So I just told Dr Davis I needed to sit down. He didn't hesitate in making sure a stool was brought to me, then asked for the AC to be turned on when I told him I was super warm. I figured... I can still hold that up with sitting down! So did a lot of my work from that position. Dr Davis was great about checking in with me and making sure I knew I could step out if I needed to. As long as I'm sitting... I'm good. And once the room had cooled down I was good to go and was on my feet again. 

David and Chege left to "take tea" (have lunch) at around 2. I can't even explain what an Amazon experience it was to work with these guys. At one point, as I reached to grab an instrument that I new he'd need he looked up and was like "what?! It's like you can read my mind" I realize that this might be a gift of mine - I can anticipate things, I learn quickly, I'm observant. I don't mean to brag about this... I just realize that it's a gift I have - I see things that other people might not... and can interpret them or anticipate the next step. Intuition maybe? I dunno what it is... But I like it, and it came in handy today. 

There were many moments during the day where I had both hands/arms in the incision, holding up breast tissue with all my might, and Dr Davis would go "good thing you asked if you come come to a surgery, there's no way I could have done this alone!" 

Dr Davis and I did take a little break once David and Chege got back from theirs, so I had a little something to eat and then got back in pretty much as fast as I could (and after I took off my extra pair of pants!)

At the end I was helping cut suture lines, secure drain lines and put dressings over incision sites. I left the OR around 7:40, just as they were about to take the patient off intubation. 

There is so much more I could say about today - but I don't want to bore you... Or sound like I'm bragging - the whole experience was just so great and affirming and... just wonderful! I had hoped for pictures of this crazy surgery, but the experience was a MILLION times better. You'll just have to deal with the fact that my descriptions and animated retelling of my experience is all you're gonna get.   

So often throughout today I thought, how I would NEVER have the opportunity for and experience like this at home, and there was no way I was going to excuse myself from my "scrubbed in" position to take photos. 

If this was all just too confusing and you can picture it, then come find me when I get home... and I'll tell it to you in person. 

I'm beat. Time to crawl into bed and sleep. I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow... Delivering presents to the kids in paeds. It's gonna be a good day!! 

A planting of the Lord...

Day 21 (Sunday May 31, 2015)

What. A. Day. 

Could have slept in, but didn't. Church at RVA doesn't start until 11, so I could have done some serious sleeping in... But I have a 6am internal alarm. Oh well... It gave me another morning of JJ solo breaky time - which I greatly appreciate! 

AND I had a hot shower this morning, absolutely glorious. I never realized just how much I love hot showers. And honestly.... It's not even really that hot, but it's warm, and I'm thankful. 

Church at RVA was good, felt like being at home. And since I don't really have an opportunity to attend a traditional Kenyan church, I might just attend there from now on. My other church option is not really my thing, and I feel like falling asleep during every services. 

After church I plucked up the courage to introduce myself again to the Birds. I had met Sue a few weeks ago, but hadn't met Dr. Bird yet. He had worked with my grandpa back in 2001 and had stitched up my sisters thumb when we were here. (Dad - you assured me he would remember... He didn't - not even a vague memory). 

I was introduced to Brittney and David (a couple who recently moved here from the states and who plan to be here for at least 2 years) and Anup (a fellow Canadian who is unfortunately leaving on Tuesday). It was great to connect with people who are a little more my age, and they even took me out for lunch at the RVA cafeteria... What a treat! Seriously... Like a turkey dinner. It was delicious! 

I had to "rush off" from that because I was meeting Fidel for a run. Now THAT was an adventure. (But don't be nervous gramma! I made it out with only a little cut on one finger) We started by running down the hill into the valley, took a right, went through some farm land... And then the adventure really began. Scrambling up through the Kenyan forest (jungle? Haha... Not too sure what to call it). Climbing rocks and trees. Running into cacti and other prickly things. But the view was amazing! 

Once we got to the top of this hill, we started heading across the top, trying to get down the other side. We followed cow trails through the bush, crouching down almost to our hands and knees to get through in some places. A slow decent into a deep valley with a little creek running through it, some more rock climbing up the other side... And then we made it back to a trail that led back to Kijabe. 

I quickly got changed and headed up the hill to RVA to try to FaceTime with David (happy birthday "little" bro!!). Unfortunately when I got there it started pouring rain and the Internet was being kinda crummy. We didn't get to FaceTime for long... But I tried. 

Then it was back to the guesthouse for supper, and then Brittney invited me over to watch a movie at their place with some other people. I SO wish I had connect with these people earlier - the challenge of being an introvert in a new place! But hey, I'll just make the most of the next 2 weeks!! 

Now it's late, already midnight and I have to be up for the hospital tomorrow. I'm spending this whole week in the paediatrics ward (Bethany Kids) and I am so looking forward to it. It'll be challenging for sure, but so good. Ok. I'm off to bed. Gnight! 

Day 22 (Monday June 1, 2015)

There's something about rainy Monday's that just feels fitting sometimes. It's been a long, slow, dreary-ish day here in Kijabe. 

It was so dark this morning that, even though I woke up at 6, it was hard for me to get out of bed and out the door on time. I probably could have stayed in bed all day. Haha. But instead I went to work on the paediatric ward... It's called Bethany Kids. 

I was working in the HDU today and mainly work led with a little 11mo. old little boy with hydrocephalus, anemia, some kind of infection, severe acute malnutrition and pretty extreme ascites. The poor guy. The other two children in the HDU have Down syndrome and a whole list of other complications including severe acute malnutrition. 

I was so impressed with the organization and structure of the nursing care in the BK HDU. They did vital every two hours, and charted them... They did thorough head to toe assessments, and charted them... They were much more careful and precise with meds. Felt just a little more like home. 

Meds are really tough for paediatrics here. Because they have limited resources, they don't have peds doses for meds. For example, one of the kids was getting 3mg of a med that is only supplied in a 40mg tab here. So how do you determine what 3mg is?!! What size of a crumb equals the right dose? I can't imagine how challenging and nerve wracking it could be sometimes with meds for these little guys. 

One little girl on the ward totally stole my heart today. Natalia. She fell into a pit of boiling water, and her whole face and neck are scarred, and she is missing her right ear. BUT, that doesn't stop her from being an extremely intelligent, goofy and loveable little girl. She is here for plastic surgery, and has to wear a neck brace because of contractures that were occurring. 

Halfway through the morning I realized that I had an audience. She was standing outside the HDU staring at me. So I went and stood in the door way. She was a little shy at first... Walked over to me and timidly reached up and grabbed my hand. And that was it. She had my heart. She doesn't speak English so we just play hand games, high-five and I twirled her around like a ballerina. She giggled and smiled. I'm really looking forward to seeing her throughout the week - but I also know she is going to be quite a distraction! 

After the hospital today I came home, had a little snack and then made my way up to RVA to try to post this blog. Never got around to it though. So many people to talk to and arrangements to make for how I'm getting to Nairobi, and then also my trip home. It's coming up so soon!! 

Then on my way back down the hill I realized I had lost my phone, my Kijabe phone, the one the hospital was lending me for the time I am here. Silly me, I'd had the phone in my back pocket... And had taken a ride up to RVA on the back of a piki (motorcycle). Roads here are pretty rough, so it must have bounced out of my pocket. I retraced my steps twice, and couldn't find it. Darn. So it looks like I'll be buying the hospital a new phone. 

Slightly discouraged I made my way down to Anup's house were there was a farewell feast made by Brittney and David. It was amazing! I met a bunch more people who live here in Kijabe, and made arrangements with one of the surgeons, Rich Davis, to watch a pretty crazy sounding surgery on Thursday. I'll be skipping out on a day in peds, but it'll be an amazing day. 

Alright, I've gotta get to sleep. I have a bit of a head ache and am hoping that sleep will help it go away. Another late night, so not a lot of time for sleeping tonight!  Hopefully I'll get this posted for you all tomorrow.

Day 23 (Tuesday June 2, 2015)

Another good day on the paediatric ward today. I'm learning so much and really enjoying the ward. I got to be in the HDU again today, and had a great time working with Muthoni. I'm realizing more and more how my presence here has an impact on the staff. And how maybe the purpose of this trip was to come along side to encourage and support the nurses who work here. 

I'm trying my best to be out-going. The struggle is real people. But it hit me today that although there are times when I have take a "big step" but really... I don't have to change who I am to reach people. I mean, I did have to step out of my comfort zone to get here, and there are moments when I have to push and challenge myself to take advantage of the opportunities, but while I'm here... I really can just be me. 

The nurse I was working with today commented just before I left today "this has been a wonderful day for me. I don't make friends easily". And she is without doubt one of the sweetest nurses I have worked with here. And it got me thinking - how to I continue to carry this forward? How do I make these relationships last and  continue to be an encouragement to the people I've met here. And what I've come to is this: just continue to be me. Keep in touch, write emails, letters, text... And don't forget them. 

I feel like it would be so easy to go back home and "forget" about this trip. But a question that comes to mind is how do I make this "sustainable"? How do I make this have a lasting impact? It will take work, it will take time and energy... But if I can be of some kind of encouragement and support and a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendour... If I can bring glory to his name and encourage others to a closer walk with him... Then that is what I want to do. 

I think that that doesn't necessarily come from preaching the gospel and it definitely doesn't come from acting superior or from friendships that last a day. It comes from meeting people where they are at, it comes from understanding their circumstances and walking along side them, and discovering HOW I can be a support and witness to them. 

Sorry that my update on today doesn't have any interesting hospital/patient stories... It was a good full day. I've decided that, at the point, I am really not comfortable with administering meds here - all the names are different and I'll be honest that the paediatric doses here freak me out. So I just inform everyone that I will NOT be giving meds on this ward. I can do everything else though. So lots of assessments, vitals, charting.... Stuff I'm familiar with and confident in. 

It's super rainy here, and I can't wait to come home to warmth and sunshine. I bundle up every evening and people laugh at me saying "but you're Canadian, aren't you used to the cold?!" I can handle the cold, I just wasn't prepared for it here! And everything in the hospital is very open, so it's pretty cold everywhere in the hospital. I wore tights under my scrubs today! 

Alright. It's getting dark and looks like it's gonna rain again, so I should probably get back home before it starts! 

Another busy week

Day 18 (Thursday May 28, 2015)

It's already 10pm, and I haven't journaled, blogged or read my bible. So you can probably guess what kind of day it's been... Full. Not necessarily busy, but full. 

I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have the rest of the week so I decided to head to the hospital. I struggle at times at knowing how I much I should push to fit in and help, and how much I should just be observing. So I bounce between observing and asking for tasks. 

The language barrier, cultural differences, different policies, and whether or not policies are followed all make it challenging to just step out on my own and take care of patients. If I was at home I can do what I know, and explain to the patient that I need help, advice, clarification or a second opinion... I don't have that luxury here. So I often just find myself being a shadow, which at times can be a little boring. 

Today in casualty (emerg) I was put to work in the morning taking the vitals of all the patients - perfect, something I'm comfortable and confident in. I was able to figure out their scoring sheet for early warning signs of patient decline... And managed to keep everyone alive. Most of the patients were very stable and just waiting for rooms on the wards. 

One of the most interesting patients was a mad who had been shot in the chest... The left side even... And was perfectly fine. He was dressed in a suit, was sitting in his bed texting and asking when he could go home. Apparently he had been parked at the gate leading into his home, waiting for it to open and some random guy shot him. His wife took him to a local hospital and then they chose to be transferred to Kijabe because of how well known it is. After a few x-rays had been reviewed by the surgeon it was decided that they weren't going to operate, and the bullet would just stay in there. So the guy left, he was back in about 40minutes because he had left with an IV in his hand... But other than that he was good to go. 

Death is a challenging thing to know how to deal with. Do you encourage people to embrace it? Fight it? Believe in miracles? All of the above? One of the patients who came in today had been diagnosed with prostrated cancer with mets to his spine over two years ago. Since then he had lost function of his legs, and over the past few weeks his health had seriously declined. 

Looking through his chart, over the past few months he had been admitted frequently to hospital and had received multiple blood transfusions on each visit. Again today the family insisted that he receive a blood transfusion and fluids. When the MO (medical officer) on duty, Dr Lawrence, asked me what I thought the treatment should be... I hesitated, not wanting to sound calloused or faithless. "Honestly, I believe God can do amazing things. But at this point I would think that this patient is palliative. If he has mets to his spine that have caused an inability to walk, then my guess is that his body is full of cancer. And that there really isn't much else (medically) that can be done at this point"

He agreed. Saying that he would suggest that the patient be given oxygen and made comfortable. But the family had insisted on a transfusion. So I sat there for the next two hours monitoring the transfusion. For the entirety of the time he remained hypothermic, slightly tachypnic and tachycardic, practically unconscious (not responsive) and a very low BP. It was heartbreaking to watch. His son stood by saying that he's a nurse and knows that his dad will get better. How do you deal with that?! I don't know. I just pray that, no matter what the outcome, that the family will have peace and closure. 

A few other things happened today, like treating a very ill patient with HIV... Vomit, blood, coughing, urine... Oh Lord, keep me safe!!! 

After a full day there I wandered home to change and then up to RVA  and got to skype with my parents (who I woke up early on their last vacation day in Whistler) and with Ferenc, Erin and her brother (totally don't know his name) as they hiked Benson. Made me miss my home, my family, my friends and my mountain. 

But three weeks from today and I'll be back there... And will be missing it here. So, although I love and miss home, I'm trying to think about it as little as possible... and just focus on my time here and what God has to teach me, and how I am to bless those I meet. 

While I was in the hospital today I met Lucy, she works in ophthalmology. She welcomed me to come ANY time and sit in and watch her work. She told me about how she went to school in India, so whenever she sees someone who is a foreigner (and believe me... I stick out like a sore thumb here - there's no question that I'm not from here) she can put herself in their shoes. She remembers how frustrating and lonely it can be, not knowing the language, culture, policies etc. It was such a blessing to be so well understood. So often I stand there not having a clue what people are saying... because it's all in Swahili, and I know only a couple words, and none of them have any medical relevance. 

After RVA it was back down to the guesthouse for supper and a good bye with about half of the Love Africa team. It's going to be weird to have them all away on safari this weekend. Most of them are leaving tomorrow morning, and then only half of them will be coming back. Leslie, Hannah and Krista aren't going on safari this weekend, so we're planning a girls night at some point. It'll be good to have the guesthouse mostly empty, and quiet. 

Ok... Typing this up with my thumbs takes a long time, so it's now 10:40, and I really need to crawl into bed. Not that I'll be able to sleep because there is SO much going on here. I think they should make a curfew/quiet time here. Mhmm, that would be nice. There are chairs scraping the flood downstairs, people talking, laughing... being loud, and stomping through the hallways. Man, am I getting old?!! Haha. Ok. Enough of that. I'm going to try to sleep... I've gotta be up early and at the hospital in the morning... And then a girls weekend to look forward to! 

Day 19 (Friday May 29, 2015)

A much more exciting day all around. More patients coming into the casualty department, feeling more included as part of the team, I think I may have found someone to take me for a run... And it's Friday!! Even though I took 2 days off from the hospital this week, I am SO looking forward to the weekend. 

Today in casualty there have been a few interesting cases. One was a young girl who came in with her parents... Weak, shaking, crying... But all of her vitals stable. When they opened the car door she practically flopped out onto the road, we had to lift her out onto a stretcher and wheel her inside. Once inside though the "no nonsense nurse" Lucy took over. Haha. There is one of those in every department. She made the girl sit up on her own, stand up, made sure that she could move and had feeling in all her fingers and toes. 

I got to do my first blood draw, and nailed it! They guy was young and had good, healthy, visible veins.... But none the less I felt pretty proud of myself. Haha. It can be really tricky to find veins on the people here, just another luxury I didn't realize I had with treating mostly patients with white skin. 

We had a trauma case come in today... A guy who had been in a motor cycle accident the other day, had been "treated" at another hospital and came here because he wasn't doing so good. He was 22, and a tall guy... Probably 6'5" is my guess, and was brought in my two relatives (I'm guessing) who practically carried/dragged him as he hobbled into the casualty department. He had large blood-soaked bandages covering his right eye and the right side of his face, and was barely putting any weight on is right leg. 

Once we got him into a bed the docs pulled the bandage off his face. It was dried/stuck to the wound on his face. As they pulled it off his hand instinctively went to push them away. I quickly grabbed his hand and simply held it. He looked at me with his left eye with what I assume to be fear and pain. I have a weak smile and held his hand tighter. As they pulled it off he squeezed tighter. 

His face had been somewhat stitched up, but even I could tell it was crudely done. It looked sloppy and honestly, it looked like his eye had been stitched shut. It looked like he would most likely lose sight in that right eye. A while later the docs from optometry came by to take a look. The gently cleaned his eyelid, and pried it open. Thank you Jesus his eye itself looked good! He was able to move it, his pupil was reactive, and he could see! What a blessing to be in a hospital where the docs and nurses openly praise God when they see these things!! 

We took a late lunch today... Around 3 and the nurse I had been working with Fidel invited me to come with him and his friend Sammy to his house for lunch. What a precious gift to get to fellowship with others during my time here. As an introvert, I definitely find it challenging to step out and meet people, but at the same time it is a wonderful challenge and time of growth for me. Fidel lives just past/behind the dukas where I go shopping. The three of us had a wonderful time together, laughing, sharing pictures and stories and listening to music. Then we went back towards the hospital... Fidel and Sammy went back to work, and I went back to the guesthouse where I made supper with Leslie, Krista, Jack and Hannah. 

Fidel and I have made plans to go for a run on Sunday afternoon... And I'm looking forward to seeing Kijabe in a different way. Tomorrow I'm going to be joining Hannah, Leslie, Krista and Jack on whatever adventure they have planned... Which will likely be a trip down to Naivasha. 

I've totally slacked on writing in my journal the past few days... So my blogging will just have to take its place. I'm going to head to bed pretty soon here, and will NOT be setting an alarm for the morning - although... The monkeys will most likely still wake me up at 6:30. 

Day 20 (Saturday May 30)

Today was a very non-Kenyan feeling day. The monkeys didn't even wake me up this morning. I woke up all by myself at 6am. But seeing as I didn't have anything to do... I stayed in bed for another hour.

When I finally did pull my butt out of bed at 7:10 i puttered my way through making a typical Jacquelyn breakfast - hashbrowns, onions, peppers, eggs, toast and COFFEE! One of my patients relatives the other day is a distributor for some pyramid scheme specialty instant coffee... And he gave me a sample. It was actually so good (not sure whether that is because it was act silly good, or because it's been 3 weeks since I last had a cup of coffee). I enjoyed a quiet morning to myself... Eating breakfast, sipping my coffee, doing my dishes. The introvert in me breathed a huge sigh of contentment. 

Once the others (Hannah, Leslie, Christa (oops! I've been misspelling her name) and Jack were up and had had breaky... We decided that we would go into Nairobi instead and go to Village Market - which isn't a market, it's a mall.... Like a North American mall. I'll be honest, the change in plans had a lot to do with going to the food court for some good food. I had a plate of delicious chicken cashew Thai something. Yumm!! We did some wandering around, I bought a book and some groceries, and then it was back to the food court for some good coffee (Dormans - the Kenyan Starbucks). I savoured every sip! 

Oh.... And did I mention there was free wifi in the food court?! Haha. We were all quite anti-social as we sat there on our phones chatting with people back home. (The rest of them don't know the RVA wifi password, so it had been a while since they'd talked to family back home). 

After that we drove back to Kijabe, watched the sun set over Mt. Longonot, and then had supper at the guesthouse. Later we walked down to the Smiths house where we had tea, popcorn and comfy couches to sit on. It's amazing how little things like a couch (which is so common back home) has become such a treat. 

Another thing that hit me while We were driving to Nairobi was how I commented on the nice apartment buildings and houses. Back home I doubt I would even notice them - or I might think that they look like a not very nice place to live. But here.... In comparison to the shacks and one-room homes, a (slightly sloppy) brick apartment building with cheerfully painted balcony railing looks like a palace. Coming back home might come as a bit of a shock. 

Tomorrow is another "sleep in" day. I'm going to church at RVA, and their service doesn't start until 11:10!!! I'm sure I'll be up early though. My Kenyan internal alarm has kicked in and I routinely wake up at 6... Which is 8pm for all you back in BC... That time difference switch is going to be fun. Haha. Alright. I'm ready to hit the hay... I'll post this when I'm up at RVA tomorrow morning.