I would like to apologize in advance. I am notorious for writing the LONGEST letters, messages, 'notes', etc. So be prepared for major ramblings... meaningless comments that probably only make sense to me.... lots of exclamation marks... and dot.dot.dots
I will talk about life. My life. Things that God is teaching me (or trying to anyways) If anything interesting happens in my life.. I will for sure be talking about that. Ummm... and any other random things that pop into my head.
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Wow... okay. So this week I have been learning about what it means to surrender. Things never seem to make sense. But then again... they don't need to make sense to me. I just need to trust that God has it all under control. And he always does. Even when I feel like my life makes no sense... I am assured that God is holding me in his big strong hands, and I am safe... with nothing to fear.
My life the last few months has been so busy, unpredictable, boring (at times), filled with friends, exhausting.... good grief!
I moved home after finishing school in January and was assuming that it would take a few weeks to find a job. But no. God blessed me with a job RIGHT AWAY. I went and handed out resumes, and then next day I got a job offer... and by the end of the week I was working. I honestly didn't think things would happen so fast. It isn't my dream job, but I have my foot in the door... and I am trying my best to be grateful everyday.
Since moving home I have been trying to move out. I love my parents and I have been able to live at home for free.... but my relationship with them is just better when we don't live under the same roof. I have had a place all lined up for a while now... but it just hasn't worked. Apparently God has other plans! haha. I house sat pretty much all of March. 2 weeks for friends who were away in Mexico and then 2 weeks for friends (with 3 cows, a horse, a dog and a cat) while they were taking care of their grandchildren in Ontario. Last week I was all ready to move into my new place. I had moved all my dishes and pretty much all of my clothes in, and then found out that the hot water wasn't working. So now I have moved all my clothes (and myself) back into the 'rents' place. And now this week I am again house sitting. And will be AGAIN at the end of the month too. And then come July I am heading out to summer camp to lifeguard for two months. So really... it doesn't make sense for me to move out at all... especially if I keep getting these house sitting jobs. Like I said... Gods plans keep taking over. And I am trying desperately to keep up.
I think one of the biggest things God has taught me in the last day or so is that I really need to get a handle on my day-dreaming. I do it WAY too much. And I fool myself into thinking that my daydreams will one day become reality. But then BOOM - reality shows up and I get a giant kick in the butt. I had one of those yesterday. And God just was like "Hey Jac... guess what? I know how your life is going to turn out. So how about you look to ME for your dreams? I will give you the desires of your heart... I PROMISED you that! (Psalm 37.4) Don't you trust me?" So I am working on it... gaining the courage to throw MY plans out the window and hold onto his instead. It just scares me sometimes because I don't know where to find the balance between giving up my selfish dreams and still holding onto those desires of my heart? I am afraid that I give Him all my dreams... I won't 'get' any of them. Like if I give up my dream of one day getting married.. if I surrender that to him... that he will take away that desire! and then I will be single forever. (I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else.. but my brain it kinda does) But at the same time... I know how silly that is. God has placed that desire in my heart... and he will honor it. I just have to wait for HIS timing... not mine.
Even when I feel like my world is falling apart, I need to remember that God has it under control. And trust Him. And believe that He really does know what's best for me. I also need to remember to turn my day-dreaming over to him. It is a waste of my time and distracts me from reality!
Okay.. I need to end this. I have been rambling on for far too long. (in all fairness though... I did warn you!) If you want ... youtube "your hands" by jj heller.... pretty sure its one of my new favorite songs.
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