embracing silence. finding time.

I really despise getting up early in the morning for work. I am definitely more of a night person. I can stay up till 2 in the morning no problem, but wake me up at 6 and you're just asking for trouble. Its a good thing that I am house sitting right now... and no one has to deal with me in the mornings that I have to get up early for work. It is only 2 days out of the week... but each morning that my alarm goes off at 6 I feel like the world is ending. I don't HAVE to wake up that early, because I only need to leave the house at 7, but I have found that its a better idea to actually give myself some time in the morning.

Time to wake up at my own pace, time to get my chores done, time to make myself some tea, time to get dressed, time to eat breakfast, time to play my music loudly.

And the thing about all this is...... I do it all at the same time. I take on too many things at once. Not only am I doing all those things right now, but I am also writing my blog. Seriously?! Why, why would I do that to myself?! I don't know. I have been struggling with just BEING lately. I cant deal with silence, or stillness.

Yesterday is a perfect example of my madness. I had the tv on, watching Gilmore Girls, I was drinking tea, I was on my computer (writing a message on facebook, an email from my hotmail account, a conversation on skype chat and msn), I was working on a knitting project and two crocheting projects, I was eating, and texting.... all at once. Good gravy! (the surprising thing was though... that I actually got some things completed) But there was just too much going on. I had the 'day off' but walked away from my morning feeling... unsatisfied and like I was wasting time. Does that even make sense? not really.

When I have so many things going on it makes it really difficult to spend any time with Jesus. Recently my days have been 'full' but not filled, not fulfilling. There's something missing. And I realized the other night what that was... what that is. is. Its Jesus. Without him I am lacking purpose and vision in my life. So I am making an effort to spend some more time with Jesus every day. Time to soak in His presence, time to read His words, time in fellowship with other believers. I just want to find a purpose, I want Jesus to let me know what's up, and where he wants me. But how can I hear His voice if there are a million other things filling my mind?

Now is the time for making time for Jesus. Today is the day, and so is tomorrow, and so is every day for the rest of my life. Its okay to sit in silence, it is okay to be still, it is okay to not fully understand the purpose of today, its okay to trust Jesus.