I sure do.
Today was one of those days.
It wasn't like there was anything dramatic that happened, yet all of a sudden, like the flip of a switch, there I was, a puddle on the floor. Well, maybe it was more of a dimmer-switch effect, but whoever was 'dimming the lights' didn't take too much time in doing so.
I have some plans for life. Some hopes and dreams. They seem impossible to me. I can't get there on my own. Yet, when I have done "my" part and it comes to relying on God to put HIS plan into action... picking the right things and timing out of my accumulation of strategies, I panic. When it comes to trusting and having faith in Him, I sometimes lose my focus. Which is ridiculous! I know that I can't get to where I want to go on my own. I know I need Him guiding my steps and walking with me every step of the way.
For a while, I listened to what other people had to say about me. That I had great potential to be.... ANYTHING. Their ideas were always big. Bigger than my own. And they weren't my own. I wanted to please everyone. And that just turned out... bad. And I'll be the first to admit that my plans don't always work out either.
So I am realizing its not just about my potential. Yes, I have a brain, and it's a pretty decent one. I could do anything, but the more importantly... what is my calling? Where does God want me to be? Where will I be the most useful to him? I listened to a sermon today and this quote from the pastor hit me:
If your life is all about you, you should be depressed,
because you're wasting your whole life. You should be having
anxiety, because you are wasting your whole life!
You need to give your life to what Jesus gave His life to:
the glory of God and the good of others.
There you go. End of story. The secret to the success of a purposeful life is right there. Just because it has purpose, does not mean it will be easy. Life just can't be that simple! haha. But this is where trust, faith and surrender come in. When we truly surrender, we become perfect clay in God's hands. Sometimes there is a lump of clay sitting there beside the potter's wheel thinking a vase, all I've ever wanted to be is a vase and God goes.... yes, a vase is what you are supposed to be and voila! a beautiful vase is crafted. But other times that lump of clay is sitting there hoping and dreaming of being a little dessert plate, but God knows that it is supposed to be giant bowl. This little lump of clay is not convinced. A bowl? really? Yet as surrender, faith and trust take hold of the little piece of clay... as God slowly and patiently adds more water, more clay, more water, more clay... to make it the perfect consistency and texture... a most beautiful piece or artwork is created. And of course the little tiny lump is turned into a masterpiece it never would have dreamed of becoming.
I'm not sure if this is making any sense... but it is the only way I can even come close to describing how I am feeling right now. Its as though God is carefully adding little things to my life to make me into what it is He created me to be. He is revealing to me my calling... because THAT is what He wants me to pursue. His calling, His purpose, to bring Him the glory and praise He deserves, to bring joy, hope, knowledge, peace, comfort and understanding to His people.
Its all about ministry. It has absolutely nothing to do with me. Nothing.
The thing is, I am not going to find my calling while I keep myself 'busy' with so many things. How does the saying go? Something like "there was a big wind breaking things to pieces, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind came an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire... a still small voice."
How do I expect to hear that still small voice, when I am distracted by so many noises in my life. My calling will be revealed, it will "come" through silence and solitude. It will become clearer the more time I spend with God... away from distractions... away from my cellphone, computer, music... allowing him to add more clay and water to the mixture... allowing him to teach me how to trust in him.
So serve, minister to those around you. Be fruitful with the call, the gifting God has placed in your life, for His glory, for the good of His people. But also take time to be still, to listen, to rest in Him. Take time to be filled, otherwise what will you have to pour out?
Today I started out as a fortress. Complete. But in reality, I was empty, hollow and weak. The fortress crumbled. And we (God and I) are starting from scratch. Just a simple piece of clay in His hands. I have hopes and dreams, but they will mean nothing if they aren't what He has planned. So I sit. Waiting. What will He form me into?
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