I feel as though I am just beginning to recognize the incredible journey God is taking me on. I am overwhelmed with joy, anticipation, faith and promise. I'm going to be completely honest, my life doesn't look a thing like I imagined it to be, and yet I know that it is perfect.
I have spent years longing for purpose and direction. Waiting for a career or a relationship that would provide that for me. When I was accepted into the nursing program in the spring I though to myself yes! I will finally have a skill to use for God. In four years I will have my degree and God will be able to use me. I was so mistaken.
Over the past few months God has revealed to me that he has purpose for me now. Every single day He has planned with purpose and opportunity for me.
At the start of the semester I was given a project, a presentation, to tell my class who I am. What has shaped me into the person I am today. As soon as my instructor explained the project, I knew I would have to share about my faith. I was afraid that it may be taken the wrong way by my classmates and that it would create distance between us because of the preconception people have of Christians. My intent was in no way to preach at them. It may sound odd, but me feeling the urge to share about the importance of my faith had nothing to do with them, I needed to do it for me. I needed to have the courage to speak up, and be confident in my faith.
I was one of the last individuals to present in class, and no one else had mentioned anything much about faith or what they believe in. As I stood up I felt my body trembling and my face turning red. For those of you who know me, you know this is not surprising. I was given the nickname 'Blush' in high school because of how easily my face can turn from pink to red. I told my class about myself. I didn't go into detail, but I did share about how important my faith and relationship with God is to me, and how it has been the main factor in shaping be into the person I am today.
It was an empowering experience, and in the weeks that followed God revealed to me the fruit of my obedience. I had this mindset that I needed education in order for God to use me. That I didn't possess the knowledge, skills, heart or wisdom to impact people. But through a simple acknowledgement of my faith I have built incredible relationships some of the women in my class, had passionate conversations with my classmates and gained a closer relationship with God.
My comfort level has always seemed to dictate my ability to speak up. If I wasn't comfortable, I would keep my mouth shut. But God has been showing my that how, when I speak in humility, honesty and vulnerability..... that is when His power is greatest. In my weakness... He is strong.
My whole life, I have always wished to feel the passion for missions. I felt that I wasn't called to missions because I was afraid.... because I felt unequipped, incapable, unworthy, without adequate knowledge or faith. Even the thought of missions was terrifying to me. But God has been transforming my heart and mind to look past myself and see his call for me.
He has called me to missions. Missions isn't defined by working in a third world country... it is simply reaching out to those in need. It is my classmate who needs a hug, or a quiet home to study in. It is offering someone half of my lunch. It is speaking the words God places on my heart. It is being honest and open about my beliefs. Missions no longer scare me, because I know that God has given me a heart to love and care for the people in my life. I am not afraid and long for God to show me His plan for my life.... and I am willing to follow wherever He leads me. I am finding joy in my weakness and insecurity, because it allows me to fall 100% into God's plan and purpose for me. It produces the most beautiful fruit.
So here I am God. Use me. Send me. I will go.
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