lonely but not alone

Its coming close to being 3 months since I started house sitting. Its been a non-stop house sitting extravaganza since the beginning of March. I am exhausted and lonely. I thought that I didn't mind being alone, but I guess that was because being alone used to be a treat... something special... something rare. But these days I am just noticing how alone I really feel. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone to come home to. The places I have been staying have had a cat or a dog.... but really?? they don't compare to HUMAN company. Last night I started reading aloud to myself because I was so sick of the silence. Music is normally a great filler for me.... but even that doesn't cut it these days. And because I am alone, when I do get to hang out with people.. I feel awful because I totally talk their heads off because I am so excited to have someone to share my thoughts with. Oh... and then today when I was going to work I met a friend from high school. He and his new wife were just checking out of the hotel. Ya.... thats right, his WIFE. Everyone is getting married these days.

I don't know why... but this morning, and pretty much all day, I was down right crabby. I was going to go swimming this morning... but ended up just straight up turning off my alarm. Thats right, just turned it off.... not even hitting the snooze, like I normally do a million times. I pulled myself out of bed much later that I should have and rushed around getting ready for work. So completely confubbled and cranky I showed up at work. Met my newly married friend and I think, as good as it was to see him again, it just made me feel even more lonely... and crotchety. Work was good. I massaged a lady today who was born in 1923. wowsie! And for being that old, she was actually quite with it. And funny. Old people crack me up. She was there with her husband. So adorable.

After work I got around to a swim. It wasn't long though because I was STARVING... and wanted to get home and eat. But I had to stop and get some groceries first. So I made a quick stop at StupidStore, met my mom there, and she gave me some mangos and a mini tide-to-go from her grocery bags.... then I was headed "home". (Because of all this house sitting nowhere really even feels like home these days. I was showing some friends around my parents place the other day and they wanted to see my room... and when I opened the door it really didn't even feel like mine anymore). After a lonely meal by myself, some tv watching, and chatting with some friends on facebook I decided to head to bed. Just as I crawled into bed I decided to take one last look at fb. And there was a messaged that brightened my gloomy day and brought tears (happy ones) to my eyes.

Yes.... it has to do with yet another wedding. But this one I get to be a part of!!!!! Yup. I can't wait. I really really can't wait. Dear friends who are so close to my heart and always in my prayers. I am so excited and honored to share this special day with them.

Ahhhh! God really knows when I need to get good news! I really need to get better at trusting him more. He really just wants good for me. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the bosses at the place I really REAALLY want to work at that I was talking about they other day. I am praying that that goes well and that I land it. It would be so awesome. I talked to the camp directors the other day and they really encouraged me to go forward with this job. So I am praying and hoping that everything goes through. There is even a possibility of doing BOTH camp and work this summer. It would make for a really crazy two months.... but two really great ones.... because God is always part of my life. And with him all things are good... even when I don't see him, he is good.

Okay... well now, after yet another lengthy post... my bed is really calling out my name. Time for some sleep and then another day! I have no doubt that it will also be filled with many many things... most of which I did not expect to happen. But thats life, right? So on these days where I feel lonely and sit in a big house all by myself... I remember that even if I feel like no one cares, I KNOW that God is with me... looking our for me and always wants to give me sunshiny things to brighten my dreary days to show me how much he cares. And also that I have some fantastic friends.... I just have to drive to see them!