where to begin

I feel like I have to write today. I don't have a clue what I am going to write about though. I know that I have things to say.... but I don't really want to, nor do I know where to beginning.

I feel like I don't even know how I actually feel these days... because it kinda changes every second. There are moment where I feel so alive, happy and hopeful. And then two seconds later I feel like the world is ending and I am all alone. I wish I could just blame it on the fact that I am a girl... but there is more to it than that.... I just don't know what it is. Its in times like this when I really have to rely on God to help me get through every day.

The hardest thing I am learning (or trying to learn) right now is this: that God alone is enough. So difficult. God is desperately trying to teach me that He can satisfy every need and desire I have.... when I let the desires of my heart be His desires.... when I realize that my security ultimately rests in Him. It is so hard though. I found out this week that two friends got engaged, another friend and her husband are having a baby, another is traveling and going to school in Europe, I remembered that my sister, brother-in-law and some friends are going to the Philippines.... and I am home alone. But still God whispers to me words of truth and reassurance. He knows my heart and His focus is to take care of it.

Even though thoughts about all that filled my mind this week... there were so many other wonderful things to distract me from dwelling on the complexity of it.

I am house sitting again. But this time I am house sitting my own house! haha. My parents are gone for a few weeks so I am taking taking care of the dogs, cat and chickens... oh an the fish (which I am getting up to feed right now because I can't remember when the last time I fed it was). It is so nice to have the house all to myself. I can make as much noise as I want, eat at weird times, go to bed late, only have to deal with my own mess. Its lovely. But at the same time... it is a little lonely. I am so used to having lots of people and noise in my house.... so it feels forgotten when its so empty.

Thankfully this weekend it was filled again. My little brother came home for the weekend, and brought friends with him. It was awesome. They made me laugh.... which felt so good. There was noise in the house, I could hear David snoring while I tried to fall asleep. And in the morning Matt made us omelets... and then cleaned everything up. Then I worked all day... and when I came home Matt had taken over the kitchen again and was making pizza... I think it might have been the best home-made pizza I have ever had (shhhh, don't tell my mom). And then the best part.... they cleaned everything up. Washed, dried and put away. Their stay was definitely too short.

Also last week I had a sweet reunion with some friends from camp. Amazing food, amazing fellowship.... God is good!

I started tutoring again. I really need to brush up on my math skills... haha. Thankfully I am just starting with Math 7.... before things start getting complicated. Its good to be working my brain muscles again.

Now I am looking forward to things coming up this week. Having lunch with my sister tomorrow. A supper with Sylva. More tutoring. Planning a trip to Vancouver (and surrounding areas) to visit my roomies from T-hof, my brother, go to Body Worlds. Thanksgiving with friends. Ahhhh!